Guess who got spectacularly drunk and ended up falling asleep with her head on the toilet seat last night. Oh yes. Such a classy bird.I seem to have shaken off that awful needy feeling today. I’m still a little nervous, but I know that whatever will happen will happen anyway and if I start trying to make things happen it’s just likely to make the whole situation worse. I suck at being patient.The eating is going a little better today. I’m starting to have cravings for real foods and I’m really managing to satisfy them effectively. My mum commented yesterday as well that I look happier than I have done for at least a year. I think she’s right. I’m starting to feel like me again. 

I feel sick. I seem to be getting this a lot at the moment. I know it’s stress induced and that the stress isn’t going to be going away anytime so, and therefore neither is the nausea. It’s so irritating.

There is something really bothering me at the moment and I can’t figure out what it is. Or rather, I have some idea of what it is but no idea how to handle it because it’s beyond my control. A wait and see situation that I don’t want to have to wait to see. I feel restless and needy, but I want to be left alone a lot too. I’ve not had much time to myself recently so I need to make sure I get some on a regular basis.

*sigh* Time to stop procrastinating. I need to clean out my car before someone mistakes it for a skip!

Hello :)Everything here is still ridiculously chaotic. I’ve had a horrible few weeks but I feel like I’m lifting back up again now. I’m moving in with Chris for a few weeks til I get my own place sorted out. I’m not moving out of my house as such (I’ll still have a key and can go back unannounced), but I’ll be staying here every night rather than going out. I’m hoping this will give me the distance from Ben that I need. I’m really struggling with getting over him at the moment.  I’ve found myself missing him a lot. I know it’s just a kind of kneejerk reaction as I couldn’t get back together with him now for various reasons, but still the feeling persists and I find myself bursting into tears at quite random intervals. We seem to vary wildly between getting on really well (which is when I miss him) and wanting to rip eachother’s heads off (which is when I start to wonder about my mental health).It has completely screwed up my eating. My hunger signals have just completely gone, and I’m eating a lot of rubbish. I do still tune in and try and eat what my body is hungry for as much as I can and thankfully I can still hear it loud and clear. I am being kind to myself about the times when I overeat or eat something I’m definitely not hungry for and I think this is stopping the downward spiral. My eating is definitely not as bad as it used to be, but I have started to eat chocolate as a matter of course, rather than just when I fancy it. I think working in a place with no canteen during the hours I work and only a vending machine for company during my break has something to do with that.In other news - me and Chris are going out now, so I guess that makes him my boyfriend :) It’s taking some adjusting to. Having spent 6 years with complete commitment to someone, knowing everything about someone and having the definite(?) knowledge that they would be around years in the future, it’s strange going into a new relationship and realising how little I know about this man that has been my friend for quite a while and learning all these new things and working out a new rhythm for our relationship together. It’s strange to see him as more than a friend when we have been “just friends” for so long. I am finding that the more public I am about it the more it seems to click. I don’t know what that’s about. I’m happy though. He supports me fantastically - and not just by telling me what I want to hear, even if it means I end up crying and I respect him so much for that. It stops me getting caught up in myself. And he’s taking me to Paris! After Fairy Training next month I shall be racing across London to catch the Eurostar with him. I can.not.wait!!