Yay! I went shopping today to find some trousers for some job interviews that I’m hoping to get over the next few weeks, and managed to find some size 16s that fit! Wahey! I was dreading the shopping trip as I am in between sizes really - the 18s look baggy and out of shape, but the 16s were slightly too tight, but I found not one but TWO perfect pairs!! I also managed to buy a pair of plain black ballerina pumps - they have been hard to get right too as I’m a 6.5 and loathe paying Clark’s prices. Barratt’s had some for £15 though, bargain!

What else? I’ve had two lovely treats in the post this week from two ladies on the Beyond Chocolate forum. I got a bar of Rococo’s cardamom chocolate, and a copy of Geneen Roth’s Appetites. :) I also bought “Eating, Drinking, Overthinking” when I was in town today. I’m not a big drinker, but I’m definitely an overthinker. I drive myself crazy over analysing what people said to me, or what reason they might have for not talking to me, or how they might have taken something I’d said to them… Gah! I’m also having a work a little bit more on the eating side of things again. All the stress I’m going through at the moment seems to have me caught in a mini downward spiral, but I’m hanging on in there :)

Yoga tonight - the aches from last week only finally disappeared yesterday, but I’m excited about going to class again :)

I do! It’s true! I love yoga!
I went back to my yoga class yesterday night and I loved it. It turned out to be an advanced class, but the teacher, Katherine who runs Pure Bliss Yoga is so encouraging and so helpful that I didn’t really notice. I went with the intention of only doing what I wanted to do, and sitting out in between and that is exactly what I did. I managed to do quite a few of the poses, and I even managed to pull off a floating lotus briefly!

Today I got my car back - yes, it really has taken this long to repair my car after my crash in September! It’s only been in a week, but every time we went to take it in before, something came up and it just kept getting delayed. It is all shiny and beautiful again, and the central locking works again, and I no longer have to drive a manual car! Yayness!

 I also got a brand new phone today! It’s beautiful and pink

I’m in the process of applying for jobs too, which is nerve wracking but exciting. And my fairy training is only a month and a half away! I am so excited about this year, it is going to be fantastic :)

Has it really been nine days since I last posted? Crikey!
Well, things here are pretty chaotic at the moment, though I’m mostly doing ok as I have the most amazing friends to support me. I haven’t yet had a single day where I’ve been completely alone.
I’ve also acquired two gerbils! They didn’t have names for ages, but they’re now called Dribble (Toby mishearing how I pronounced Gerbil!) and Monkey. They are great fun, but still pretty shy at the moment. The boys are fascinated by them, and often give me five minutes peace while they sit and watch the gerbils burrow down into the sawdust.
I’ve got my timed assignment on Saturday. Slightly scary as I haven’t had much time to study this block as I got so behind on the last block. I did, however, get a whopping 90% on my last assignment!!! :D Thankfully this block is much more interesting than the last.
My best friend Natalie has had her baby daughter, Imogen, and I went to see them both last night :) Imogen is absolutely adorable, I fell in love with her straight away <3 She even fell asleep in my arms! It’s almost enough to make me broody again - especially considering she sleeps 5-6 hours a night already!!!
I’ve also met up with Craig a few more times, which really helps. I never really used to go out anywhere at all, so getting out of the house once a week to spend some time with another adult is really good. Plus he listens to me whinge and rant, which is even better :D I’m not entirely sure how he puts up with me!
What else is going on in the world of Mousie? Hmm…. ooh, I’ve arranged to go back to yoga on Wednesday nights which I’m really looking forward to! I think I pushed myself too hard last time so I’m going to take it easy this time so that I don’t get scared off.
I’ve also fallen out with my mum in a rather spectacular manner. Gah. In fact it got so bad, she’s called my Dad who is now coming up to see me at the weekend. Great. Just as I’m trying to act my age, I get treated like a 15 year old. Fantastic.
Remind me never to do this to my children :D

Today I am really, really tired. I was up til 4am chatting with several friends. Silly girl :D I had fun though. I’ve got some fantastic friends at the moment and I feel so lucky to have them supporting me in various ways through a stressful time I’m going through. Things with Ben are really not going well at all at the moment, but we have come up with a compromise and we’re going to see how things go. It’s scary, but it’s such a relief and I feel like I’m getting a real sense of myself back again. I’m starting to feel 22 instead of 42. I think I’ve been living someone else’s life for the last few years, so it’s fun to start building my own life :)

I’m still dreadfully in between sizes. My size 18s are really becoming too loose even with a belt, but my size 16s are just a pinch too tight. I’m definitely a size 16 on top now though. It feels good to be going down the sizes, and it won’t be long until I’m under that magic size 16 marker and able to shop in a lot more shops that I can at the moment.

I had a lovely dinner last night. Seabass with balsamic roast potatoes with baby leaf salad and olives and sundried tomatoes. It was absolutely spot on. I think I’ll do chicken caesar salad for tonight. My appetite is still pretty low, but considering the stress I think it’s normal.

Well that’s about all. I’m going to try and do some more tidying with matchsticks propping my eyes open :D

I’m always reluctant to leave my blog on a negative post, so I’ll post quickly. All that crying did me the world of good, I think, but it dried out my contact lenses :D I have continuous wear ones. Thankfully I had some on order and they arrived this morning so I can see!

I’m going out for a drink with a friend, Craig, tonight. I think we met through ICQ, but neither of us can really remember. He’s one of those people that was sat on MSN list for ages, and we’d never talk. I deleted him a couple of days before he popped up to say hi. He needed some help with his CV, which I did, and in return offered me a banana loaf cake :D I said I’d hold him to it, and he said I shouldn’t as his baking wasn’t up to much. So, he’s buying me a drink to say thanks and I’m buying him one to congratulate him on his new job :D Bought myself a new top as I had nothing. I either had too casual or too dressy.

I keep feeling nauseous at the moment, I think it’s stress related. Anyway, I can’t stomach any dinner tonight, so I’ve had a Mars milk drink instead. Delicious :) To think, if I was on WeightWatchers, I’d be forcing down something I wasn’t hungry for AND having to save some points for a glass of wine. How dull :D

Just about sums up my evening. Ho hum.

Know that we all fall down
Love till you hate
Strong till you break
Know that we all fall down

I actually quite like it at the moment. I’m enjoying the peace and quiet. Just me and my music, a good book and nothing else. :)

Yep, just two months til the Beyond Chocolate fairy training starts! I can’t wait. I am so, so excited. I’m even more excited since going on the workshop last weekend. I’m not even a tiny bit nervous :)

I’m doing ok at the moment. Not great. I’m going through a huge amount of turmoil, mostly identity related, but I’m pulling through. And my social life is picking up too! I’m going for a drink with my friend Craig next week to celebrate his new job, an old schoolfriend from Scotland is coming down in the summer and possibly for a week in March, I’ve done some great catching up with my best friend who is about to become a mummy, AND I’ve been invited to Alice’s birthday party which I am pretty sure I will be able to get to!!

I *still* haven’t finished my OU essay that was due in on the 15th. Erk. I just cannot get into it. I’ve written half of it. It’s just so mind numbing, and with the depression I struggle with concentration anyway. I am trying to write something every day, even if it’s just a tiny bit. But I am making progress because before I would have just said “Oh sod it, I’ll never be able to do it” and chuck the whole course in. This time, I’m going to see it through if it blooming well kills me :D Edited to add: I finished it!! I got a rush of motivation so wrote as quickly as I could before it disappeared again :D

My best friend has been fascinating me with her premonitions. Every time I tell her something really secret or about a big issue I’m struggling with, she already knows. And I don’t mean she can tell just by looking at me, I mean she knew several days before we even meet up! It’s freaking her out, but I love it :D

We’re broke again this week, so I had to get 5 days worth of food for £20. I managed it easily, and I even got three packets of chocolate biscuits bars! It’s lovely to be calm enough around food to not stress out about it. I don’t have much of an appetite at the moment, though I am starting to recognise stronger signals again now which is great.